I want to enlighten some of you who may have thoughts about becoming an opinion editor.

As an opinion editor, you will be the front line defense against intentionally offensive capitalization and punctuation in public discourse on the opinion pages of America’s newspapers.

This is not something you have to worry about at most jobs.

How many times have you turned to your co-worker and said, “You know, your punctuation and capitalization are rather offensive”?

You’ve probably never done that.

And as an opinion editor, you don’t have to bash people for their offensive punctuation and capitalization in letters to the editor. You simply correct them.

I’m not talking about mistakes here. Hey, we all make mistakes.

Just the other day, I got home and my wife pointed at a headline on our opinion page and said, “Is this right?”

She found a mistake. I failed to make a possessive of a noun and the headline was confusing without the ’s.

My wife pointed out the head bust to get back at me for complaining about the soup she made a few days before. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut about the soup.

But mistakes are not my reason for carping — it’s the people who think they can injudiciously punctuate and capitalize to their advantage in presenting an argument.

For an example, I will pick on religious people of a conservative nature — who by the way, have filled our mailbox in response to letters written by a few atheists and gay activists within the last couple months. I’m picking on them because Jesus said they’re supposed to rejoice when someone persecutes them, so if this applies, don’t get mad, rejoice.

The following sentence exemplifies what appeared in recently submitted letters to the editor:

There’s only one way to heaven and any other WAY is a TICKET TO HELL.

Some other letters may use the exclamation point for emphasis: ... ticket to hell!!!!!!

Or others may have combined the two methods: ... TICKET TO HELL!!!!!!

Still others used capitalization and/or quotation marks for emphasis: There IS only ONE “way” to HEAVEN and any other “way” is a TICKET to HELL.

If you have opinion editor ambitions, take heed. You must correct the punctuation and capitalization to retain order in the written world. This was not tolerated on the obelisks or rosetta stones of Egypt.

We cannot tolerate it here. The press rules for capitalization and punctuation are clearly stated in The Associated Press Stylebook, and for the sake of public discourse, they should be followed — by all.

George Will, a longtime Washington Post columnist, italicizes a few words for emphasis. They are subtle italicizations, like his arguments.

For instance, Will won’t settle for “This is the Democrats’ riposte to the grandiosity of the current president’s notion of executive prerogatives?”

He wants it thus: “(BEGIN ITAL)This(END ITAL) is the Democrats’ riposte ...” as if the italicized this adds monumental meaning.

But what it does do is violate the AP Stylebook.

I don’t let Will get away with it when his columns appear in our paper. Sorry, Will, but as the Bible says, I can’t pass judgment on some people and excuse others or myself and expect to “escape the judgment of God” or the AP.

And if an aspiring opinion editor happens to be a Christian, he or she will have to lowercase pronoun references to the Christian God.

We are taught in school that pronouns used in place of God and Jesus are capitalized, so that you write, “He,” not “he.”

But the AP cuts God-like pronouns to lowercase size. No Christian has complained to me about it, but I’ll bet some have assumed all opinion editors are godless liberals who take pleasure in turning He into he.

I figure Jesus understands. Didn’t he say to give unto the AP the things that are the AP’s?



David Gerard writes for Muskogee (Okla.) Phoenix. Contact him at dgerard@muskogeephoenix.com.